at sixteen i told myself by my mid-twenties i wanted to have a career and be married with two children. now, at twenty five, i'm just praying my card isn't declined at target.

Hoping My Dreams Will Carrie Me Home

 The bitter city wind swept on through, and I really felt it this time. However, I didn’t need my coat to keep me warm. There was this fire within me, that I had forgotten was there - All it needed was a little spark.

Last night I went to see a play, White Noise, at the Public Theater. I got tickets because a friend of mine works on the production side of things there. There are more literal terms I am just simply too uneducated to extrapolate upon them.

Oh yes. I have a college degree.

The play was thought provoking, incredibly performed, and made me uncomfortable in the greatest way possible. Afterward, I ran out of the theater because I needed to be home to study for some upcoming auditions.

On the train ride back Uptown, I was studying one of the monologues I needed memorized. A beautiful black woman mid-forties ish, (Emphasis on ish cause what? BLACK DONT CRACK), sat directly in the seat next to me.

Now, New Yorkers know if there are other seats available, you literally do NOT sit directly next to someone. No. Just don’t do it. However, this woman informed me that she was an actress, and ran scenes with me. We talked all about the business, working, and how amazing this city is.

She fanned the flame I had let go down to an ember. I got off the train and realized this was the life I dreamt of. The life of watching Carrie Bradshaw run through Manhattan every Sunday night on HBO.

decided that, in fact, memorizing 45 pages of audition material is a feat and stopped into my new local pub. The bartenders know me now, and I struck up conversation with a woman sitting beside me.

We talked about race, feminism, diversity, and the list goes on. The bartenders got off and joined us on the other side of the bar. Well one thing led to the next and here I was just shooting the shit with some cool people.

Oh did I mention it was literally 4:30 in the morning.

got to my apartment, passed out obviously, and decided to do nothing all day Friday. My roommate and I celebrated her Guest Star on a TV show, while simultaneously running lines for my auditions.

Friday evening rolled around and I got ready to go to a pop up art exhibit in the Lower East Side.

I stepped out of my apartment building, smiled, took a deep breath of that bitter city wind, and headed to the subway for another New York City night.

I know in my last post I let the city get the best of me. Sometimes that happens, and I’ve learned it’s a-ok. If you’re wondering about those auditions with the 45 pages of material... Fear not. I didn’t get either of them. And that’s a-ok.

 

After all, after seeing her face on a bus, we all know Carrie Bradshaw made a little splash of her own walking down the streets of Manhattan.

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