Currently I’m sitting in the meditation garden of my apartment complex, there’s a nice breeze flowing, and I have divine inspiration courtesy of Misses Claw. (If you know you know.) I’ve rewritten this birthday post many times over the past couple weeks. So, we’re going to take a page out of Andy Cohen’s book and watch what happens live.
Today, June 13th, is my thirty-third birthday. I started this blog mainly with musings about my twenties, and now I’m in a completely different space. Quite literally a different space - I moved to Jersey City in February to my own studio apartment. I’ve always wanted to live alone, especially before I eventually get married. Family that’s reading please we are nowhere near that point I’m just speaking in abstract right now. These past few months have been quite a whirlwind. Can’t say I recommend renting a truck and moving a couch into a 17th floor apartment alone. That was a day.
I’ve been happy though. That’s the thing about life, sometimes you wake up one day and realize you’ve been happy all along. I have great friends and family that constantly reassure me that: “Something big is coming just wait!”. They mean well and want nothing but the best for me. However, what if what’s best for me is right now?
In life, when we aren’t doing exactly what we/others think we should – We miss out on life’s true happiness.
It’s true I haven’t booked a show, gotten any replies from agents, and even got rejections from dumbass corporate jobs I’m overqualified for. It’s true I’m not living in my dream apartment. It’s true I’m still bartending my life away. It’s true I’m still single and sometimes look at my married friends with envy. All these things are true and honestly, I don’t know if the last one is hitting hard or if it’s the third Misses Claw. Probably both.
What also is true is that I moved into a studio apartment on the 17th floor overlooking the downtown New York City skyline. I haven’t really cared about booking the next big thing or finding the next big agent. I’ve been bartending, but I enjoy the time I spend with my regulars. I even got to go to Chicago and have an amazing time because of bartending. I’m still single, but hopefully things are looking up. (That’s definitely Misses Claw talking.) My friends are married, but I’m texting one of their husbands who just sang me a very spirited happy birthday. Life is good.
In this highlight reel of social media culture we live in today, it’s easy to be disillusioned. My friends are winning constantly, and it warms my heart. I had lunch with my girls from a show we did in Sacramento, California exactly a YEAR ago. Everyone went around talking about their new endeavors/marriages/bookings/relationships and I really had nothing to report. I felt so good though, because lasting friendships are hard to find especially at my (new) age. I didn’t feel less than, and they still celebrated me.
That’s what I think everyone needs a constant reminder of. Those daily mundane celebrations even when we aren’t doing the ‘big’ thing whatever that may be. Oftentimes, I think we as a human race strive and search for our purpose so much, we can’t see it right in front of us. Our purpose is to exist. You’re born, you die, and everything in between you only need to exist.
So, in honor of me, I hope you have a drink, (or 33 just saying), and remember your main purpose is to exist. My happiness/existence today looks like an expensive bottle of Amarone, takeout from my favorite restaurant, and the premiere of Bridgerton Part Two.
Happy Birthday Nurney.