Sonder :noun
the feeling one has on realizing that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one’s own, in which they are the central character and others, including oneself, have secondary or insignificant roles:
In a state of sonder, each of us is at once a hero, a supporting cast member, and an extra in overlapping stories
I’ve always been a nosy person. Well, to make me sound like the hero let’s use the word curious. It’s been said that curiosity killed the cat, but I’d like to think the cat was heading for death anyway. It just wanted a little warning. (Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.)
Whenever I’m on the train, in a store, at dinner, basically anywhere in public, I can’t help but to fascinate over others. Why is she crying? Why is he wearing a winter coat in the middle of July? Does that person walking aimlessly down the street have a day job? Each one of these people is living a completely different life unbeknownst to me. My curiosity does not appreciate this. I came across the word sonder as a teenager and it set my world into motion.
I sit on the bus, despise how packed it is, and stare at all the haunted 9-5 faces around me. Do they hate this too? I sit on the train and wonder how my life could be different. Does the guy across from me taking up two seats blasting Tik Toks with no headphones feel the same? Is everyone around me dreaming of a different life?
If we are all the heroes of our own story, then we must be in the villain in someone else’s. The couple who decided to take up the entire sidewalk to walk their multiple dogs and I gently asked them: “Do you need the entire fucking sidewalk?” - I’m definitely the villain there.
I guess what I’m ultimately saying is there isn’t one grand motion picture of the planet Earth. The “what if” mentality is rendered useless if you truly look at the world around you.
I took a trip to LA to visit my friends Tam & Josh last week. We, (me), drank till the wee hours and laughed in the California sunsets. I met my college roommate Samm, we drove past palm trees in West Hollywood, and had dinner with the icon Mary Saba herself. The weather was perfect, the streets were clean, and the views were scenic. As usual, whenever I visit California, I imagined an entirely different life in the 918. However for the first time it felt - fleeting.
Arriving back in New York to see the grunge and grit of this booming city normally repulses me. This time I landed in Newark, New Jersey and took a quick Uber to my apartment. I opened the door to my little studio to a wondrous sigh of contentment.
The next day, Friday, came and I swore I was staying in to recover from the financial crisis that was Erewhon in Silver Lake. Hailey Bieber if you ever come across this blog girl fuck you but also thank you.
My phone rings.
It’s Matt and he wants to get a drink to catch up. I know with Matt it’s never “a drink” and now I have a night ahead of me. I get dressed, a couple layers more since I’m no longer in the Cali sun, and hop on the Path.
The sun is setting as I’m walking down Sixth Avenue. For the first time I look up at the mammoths disguised as buildings looming over me. Charlie XCX “Everything is Romantic” starts to play in my shitty ear buds from 5Below. I take a breath. This is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Charli is singing “fall in love again & again”. And you know what? I do.